Work

I love personality assessments. They are usually insightful and always fun to ridicule.

This past week, one of the work teams that I’m part of did personality assessments using a comparative chart to see how we work with one another and as a team. My results were very . . . friendly. Apparently, I’m really nice. This isn’t altogether surprising as I’ve been accused by colleagues of being “sweet and accommodating.” This is okay, I guess. But part of me wants to be a rebel, bitchy and Angelina Jolie-eske. I want to kick ass! But, alas, I’m “unassuming, unselfish and have a genuine interest in other people and a strong, intuitive understanding of them. Outgoing and friendly, Lynsi enjoys working with others and is lively, warm company.” Hmmm . . . yet my two work BFFs are both “intensely proactive and aggressive in driving to reach their goals. Actively and boldly challenge the world, their business, and even others’ areas within their business. Resourceful and forceful in overcoming obstacles, they vigorously and directly attack problems; fights back hard when challenged.” They both are risk-takers while I follow rules and authority. I totally thought I was a rebel! Nope. I’m booooring. Which brings up: are the options boring or bitchy?

I swear though my core personality is friendly, outgoing and very team-oriented, I have become less tolerant and more aggressive since becoming a mom. One of my work BFFs who cited above is aggressive-when-challenged, swears she was nicer before she was a mom. Does becoming a mom change our personality? Or do we somehow turn into a momma bear of ass-kicking once we have a little one to protect?

I don’t know these answers but I do know I’ve become less tolerant of incompetency at work since returning from my maternity leave. I assumed it was because in my mind, if I’m going to spend nearly 12 hours away from my kid, the time better count and I have no patience for people who are wasting my time. And I do feel like I’ve become better at my job since being a mom. And maybe it’s because I’m learning how to be more aggressive and less tolerant while still being “a pleasant and extroverted person.” Maybe I’m learning to be a perfect blend. Yes, I’ll go with that. After all, I did give birth to absolute perfection.

I went back to work a month ago and have been extremely fortunate to be working part-time: three ten-hour days. So I have four days a week with, you know, the coolest baby on the planet. However, that doesn’t make the three days when we’re separated as easy breezy as a Cover Girl.

One morning I was ready to leave for work and Tessa hadn’t woken up yet so I was facing the possibility of not seeing or nursing my baby in the morning. An internal conflict ensued: do I wake a sleeping baby or leave for an ENTIRE day without cuddling with her? A couple of tears later and I was in her room hugging, holding and nursing her. It had to happen.

I have also become protective of my time with her. Since I already have to spend 30+ hours a week away from my baby, I am hesitant to partake in activities that don’t include her. Why? Because she’s the most amazing person.  And I think it’s strange if other people aren’t equally obsessed with her.

Which brings me to daycare. I was told by other mommies that all I could hope for is feeling “satisfied” with any childcare that isn’t moi. And I guess that’s accurate. This past month I’ve tried to understand why I’m only satisfied. I mean her daycare is really nice, the teachers are wonderful, they absolutely adore Tessa, and they follow her feeding and napping schedule. What more could I want?

It’s kinda like the first day I picked up Tessa from daycare. I was so excited to see her. DYING to see her. I eagerly opened the door to the infant room and there she was. This little bundle of absolute love and joy playing in a bouncy seat. She was like a beacon of light and I could hear angels singing – all reminiscent of Indiana Jones’ quest for the Holy Grail with the cup glowing in amazing perfection. And I was shocked – SHOCKED – that all three teachers weren’t surrounding her admiring how she blinks, sighs, and smiles. I mean SHE’S A BEACON OF LIGHT!

And I guess because they aren’t in awe of her every movement is why I only feel satisfied. But that’s okay. Because I know the truth. My baby totally rocks.